Sometimes I need to break out and do something crazy.  Do you ever feel like that?  Mostly I like who I am and although I suppose a few tweaks would be nice, I like me and my life and there’s not a whole lot I would change.  However, every now and then, I like to do something very out of character.  Something I consider dangerous, bad or daring.

High School

I had gone to high school with pretty well all the same people I had known since Kindergarten or Junior High.  By the time I was ready to head off to University, I was tired of being thought of as Good Little Karen.  I was “sweet” and “nice” but I hated it.  Now those terms don’t seem all that bad, but at the time, I hated them!

So at 18 I got a tattoo.  A girly little butterfly on my ankle, which I still love to this day.  Then at 19, just before I graduated, I got a nose piercing.  I also still love it to this day.  To me they are symbols of my mini rebellions.  Although hardly original or special in the grand scheme of things, they were something very daring for me.  People commented, they gasped, they couldn’t believe that Karen Hyde had gotten them done.  And although that was more than a few years ago, I still enjoy the thought of them.

University

I changed my hair colour a lot in university.  It was my way of satisfying the need to bust out of rut on the cheap.  I was broke and needed a quick fix to quell the itch.  I still often dye my hair but over the last year or two I’ve decided to abandon the neon shades.  I am 30 afterall. [side note: Age has little to actually do with it, except how I feel about it.  If someone at 35 talked about dying their hair fire engine red, I'd give them the "right on!" sign and be totally fine with it.]

Today

Now I’m thinking about doing something very out of character.  It’s not a piercing or a tattoo and I’m trying to decide just whether or not I ought to.  It’s not illegal or anything, but it’s so different from who I am.  And it’s something that no one else would ever know about.  Which is fine, I never did any of those things for anyone but myself.

I’m challenging myself to consider my morals and values.  I am conflicted about how much this action contradicts what I was raised to do.  I talked about making my Mom proud and I wonder if this will.  I wonder if this will satisfy my need to bust out of a rut and is that worth it?

The Urge

And then I think about my need to break out now and then.  I often wonder where this comes from.  Why do I need to suddenly challange the preconceived notions about me?  Some of the conclusions I’ve come to are that I don’t like to be pigeon-holed.  Although I’m often exactly who people think I am, I start to feel claustrophobic in that little box and I want to remind people that I can morph into someone else.  If only for a day or a week.

I am fundamentally who I am and so I think these little rebellions that I stage must be part of me.  Most of the time the frantic restlessness that was so typical of my teens and early twenties is gone, but I still need to stomp my foot and say “I’m not always who you think I am!”.

Actions and Reactions

Do you ever feel this way?  Do you ever feel like you need to have a mini breakout of your regular character?  What do you do to breakout?  Post in the comments, please!